DENIAL - ACCEPTANCE

Half asleep and falling, is how I’ve lived my life

Delusions replace reality, with satisfying substitutes

Bare-minimums and second-bests to the rescue

Gravity surrenders, to parachutes of makeshift truths

Who can choose to know the moment he fell asleep

My judgmental eyes tell everyone’s story but mine

The incomplete reflection, the adulterated mirror image

The absorbed-light-imperfection, fails them every time

But the shell cracks every now and then, letting in the extraterrestrial, vulnerabilities visible

You’ve traded your sanities for peace, the curious hormones shout, your world is on the other side

But I’m spinning; I’ll collapse if I discontinue, my excuse to go on, but, sensation lifts the curtain

And I face my smiling façade, my eyes, conditioned to overlook vulgarity, my inside now, out in the open

But then,

I accept I was in denial, and suddenly, fresh walls surround again

Delusions replace reality, with satisfying substitutes

Bare-minimums and second-bests to the rescue

Gravity surrenders, to parachutes of makeshift truths

I laugh after the scare is over, like the fear was unreal

I carve reality to fit my laws, like the world was ideal

There’s lightning, then there’s thunder, but I shut my eyes, I seal my ears,

For the silent seconds of hope amid, whisper,

The only voice I’ve learnt to hear, the storm is not near

And then I write, to let go, the need needs to be fed

Words help me relapse, to my temporary defense

I disown my darkness again, consciously subconscious

Half asleep and falling, in denial-acceptance

http://www.1derrick.com/

I'M UGLY TODAY

I wish to rest, one day, on the beautiful freedom of loss

With no fear of the unknown, in submission, in acceptance

To laugh at my ugliness and not let hope distract me to denial

And to refuse to choose, for every road, will someday grow old

Awake alright, but haven’t we all closed our eyes?

I hope to, one day, not live in a world that judges and restricts

And focuses so much, on what’s bad and what’s wrong

Where they slaughter and find meaning, in their personal

Convenient versions, of holy books and religious songs

Unburnt alright, but haven’t we all felt the fire?

My memories will, one day, shimmer in the sunshine of remembrance,

And I’ll know how much I’ve had to give up for the sake of co-existence

Shackled no more to hypocrisy, my survival gizmo, I’ll let go and step down

The energy ladder, and feel the stability, one day, I’ll touch the ground

Unheard alright, but have you never shouted, “I don’t care”?

But today, I pretend and I’m proud, I’ve labeled black and white,

I've taken to the gun-point, and I kill to substantiate my might

I don’t care to appreciate the music in every sound

I've lost my smile, but who cares, I’ve won the fight

In the bottomless hunt for extremes, I feel we’ve overlooked the actuality of grey

In the quest for making tomorrow beautiful, I feel we’ve ignored the ugliness of today

Smile, appreciate, say thank you

YOUR WORDS, ALANIS

Their words can only be written, Alanis, their words can only be read

I’ll tell them not, for they’ve heard it all, but your words, Alanis, are you, naked

Let them bang their heads to hollow music

And let them find meaning in rented lines

In a world misspelt for the sake of eloquence

Your words, I’m afraid, they’ll never rhyme

Oh and I, I’m only a pair of clapping hands, appreciating what they don’t really understand

They wonder why you’re thanking India

And they wonder who you’re screaming at

Smile, Alanis, for they’ll forever fail to fathom

The uncombed chick and her green lipstick

Oh and I, I love the song where you metaphorically say, to those who live a different day, “I know, it’s ok”

From denial to acceptance, to diaries, to records

From the honest transition, to a vulnerable centerfold

From questioning yourself, to solving your own problems

Like a falling parachute, Alanis, you’ve grown old

Absorbing from all directions, reflecting in only one

From marijuana to spirituality, have you lost all fun?

From rubbing it in, to letting go, to lettering it all down

Are you a lonely girl, are you a crying clown?

Or are you only observing all flavors of your being?

With interpretations of your identities in the foreground

The transience of joy and anger, with peace underlying

Your words, Alanis, are they saving you the ultimate meltdown?

But tonight don’t care to share the shame, to entertain

Let your pen not evoke the pain you’ve withstood

Sing your confessions only to your narcissistic reflection

For your words, Alanis, are best left misunderstood

Oh and I, I only hope there’s a day, when you laugh and say, “I’m only a universe away”

Oh and I, I’m only a thank you,

Oh and I, I’m only a happy birthday

God bless you Alanis Nadine Morissette

Thank you for your words

YOU INSPIRE

You shouted my name the other day

And I was powered like I’ve never been

You are no god, your voice told me

And you liked the poem I tagged you in

You’re essentially sketched in the delusions of my wanting

And I’ll pen you down to kill this feeling

And the innocent need to insinuate

And to find my way through the dimensionless meaning

That you, my lord, affect me mercilessly, and I,

Blinded and open-mouthed, run against the breeze

I thought you should know the price I’ve paid

To rise to the depth of your subtleties

But I know you now, disappointed and how,

With one hand pressed against your chest

And the other in your pocket, you bend a little

And say thank you, more out of reflex

You’re essentially sketched in the delusions of my wanting

When I stretch every nerve to find some inspiration

And I’ve owned you, killed you, and painted you naked

On the walls of my intrigued imagination

You’ll soon be back to being the you, you were

Just don’t care to mend this defaced depiction

Don’t like this poem, oh, don’t listen to me

Don’t care to solve this apparent contradiction

Be the god you are, affect me, and then

Sit back, play your guitar and enjoy my pain

And I’ll write you a rhyme, one more time

Telling the world, you inspire me, all over again

THE LITTLE MAN THAT STANDS TALL

I see you, starting over again, the wood and the leather, the pride and the pain

I see you taking the fall, wanting to be the bigger man, I see you standing tall

They chant your name and they applaud, you are their celebration

But In a completely different world, you fail and you’re human

There’ll be places you won’t go, possibilities you won’t explore

There’ll be people you won’t please, games you won’t own

There you are, cramped and crippled; the dream is over for the day

Arms outstretched, you cry to the skies, how you wish you could stay

The story of your life, with unheard screams and with overlooked sorrow

They’ll add you to their coffee, and they’ll discuss you at breakfast tomorrow

But the man you made stole the show and the only thing you couldn’t win

And you blinked your eyes in endorsement, like an undefeated king

And I know you’ve always been, like your poster on my wall

The little man that takes the fall, the little man that stands tall

Happy birthday.

THAT MIDNIGHT THOUGHT OF SELF-LOVE

That midnight thought of self-love, I realized

A poor man choosing to buy alcohol with what’s left in his pocket

Is selfishly beautiful,

Everything original is true, I pictured

A man with lung cancer, wishing for soot to fill him over again, a final drag

Is crazily respectful

Do you type your password slowly, for fear of having to type it again

Do you smile at your creativity while grinning at your intelligence

What you’ve cooked is what tastes best,

Why fake altruism, when charity is convenience

That midnight thought of self-appreciation, I realized

You never being able to know what his poem means to a poet

Is selfishly beautiful,

Everything original is deep, I pictured

Her, hair all over the place, loving the way she looks at herself

Is crazily respectful

Your favorite song, do you keep, for those five minutes before you sleep

Don’t you chase not what you want, but the reason, for another reason

Democracy is always for others, team work, a compromise

Why debate, when truth is opinion

That midnight thought of self-ignorance, I realized

As I switched on the light and closed my eyes in reflex

Life’s a lark,

I turned my back to open doors, I pictured

Light will do you no good if you’re used to the dark

But all I have is all I need, a birth mark and a bleeding heart

And a mirror I trust, to remind me of

That midnight thought of self-love……….

OBVIOUSLY DEAD

You, the ugly, the impaired, beauty all there, learn to kiss yourself
You, impatient for new shoes, a reset button may be, learn to love your pair

Off with your clothes and in front of a mirror, stand naked to yourself for once
Judge not the curves, fear not the not-so-straight lines, question not their intersections

You, oblivious to all inspections, smile at how beautiful you are, yes
But let the simplest version of perception, laugh at your imperfection

You, the dull blue t-shirt in your closet, you are but your disrespected decision
Shunned to the point, it doesn’t want to fit you anymore; you are but your pseudo version

You wake up, yes, but wide eyed with words that rhyme,
With winning the fight, bridging the gaps all the time
You dream, yes, but only of becoming someone else,
Unabridged, no one is, revel in the incompleteness

You, the cold, the cadaverously unaware, life all there, but you say they blindly misread
And this time, for once, blame yourself, for it’s your own eyes that you’ve shed,
You, at your best, are still obviously dead……………